I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
