Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
