mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
