i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
