And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
