the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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