mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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