Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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