Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
