I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
