i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
