That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
