So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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