Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
