I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
