I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
