I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
