i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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