Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
