Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
