last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
