when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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