I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
