I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
