If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
