Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
