nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
