god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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