My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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