shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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