i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
