we made out on top of his cat.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
