White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
