I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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