i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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