i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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