whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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