I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
