Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
