Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
