Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
