You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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