i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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