And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
