i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
