I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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