note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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