I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
