So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
