I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
