sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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