I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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