im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
