Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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