I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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