Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
