So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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