I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
