I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
