Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
