I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
