you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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