you win again, gameday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
