I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
