I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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