Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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