dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's always time for handjobs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
