I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
