I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
