i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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