There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
