I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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