I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
