You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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