as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
