who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
