I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
