Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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