we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
