the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
