Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
