i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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