I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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