this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
